In a move that took even the most experienced Hollywood insiders by surprise, Kentucky-based independent film production company Lunacy Productions has announced that they have closed on a $92 billion acquisition of media giant The Walt Disney Company.
According to a top analyst, the highly-publicized Comcast-Disney bidding war over 20th Century Fox’s assets allowed Lunacy to launch its takeover without much notice. By the time the ink was dry on the Fox deal, Disney was too late to fend off Lunacy’s aggressive move.
“Disney was on the hook for $71.3 billion. We figured, how much more money could they actually have left?,” said Lou Drallop, a legal representative for Lunacy. “It was the right time to pounce. We were just surprised nobody else thought of it.”
Will Buck be the newest Disney Princess?
Lunacy will immediately absorb all of Disney’s properties (including the Fox assets). Drallop says they are excited to “reimagine” classic Disney’s characters in Lunacy’s native Kentucky. “We have a lot of great stuff on the docket. The upcoming live-action Mulan will be set against the beautiful skyline of Lexington. The next Alien will be shot in Louisville and take place entirely on a paddle steamer in the Ohio River. And if you thought Wakanda was impressive, wait until you see Black Panther return to action in Bowling Green!”
In addition to Walt Disney Animation Studios, Pixar, Lucasfilm, Marvel Studios, ABC, FX, Freeform and Blue Sky Studios, Lunacy will also immediately begin rebranding Disney theme parks across the globe. “Look, the mouse ears are cute. But now it’s time to Moon the World,” said Drallop, referring to Lunacy’s crescent moon logo. As far as park specifics attractions Drallop suggested Lunacy’s team of imagineers are hard at work on an immersive world based on Lunacy’s thriller Rust Creek. “You’ll really feel like you’ve stepped into an impoverished Appalachian community plagued by a drug epidemic.”
Drallop was reluctant to reveal how Lunacy raised the capital to fund such a massive transaction, but industry insiders speculate they borrowed against their impressive bourbon collection. Drallop would only add, “Let’s just say, we’re very liquid.”
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*** Happy April Fool’s Day from all your friends here at Lunacy Productions! ***